(Unfortunately, I just couldn't get all of Duff's stories and anecdotes.  As they rely heavily on Mr Pinsent's delivery anyway, I suggest you try to get ahold of an episode or two and watch 'em in all their televised glory.)

Colleen: Parker?  Turn around.
Brett: What if you shoot me?
Colleen: I'm unarmed.
Brett: Yeah, don't kid yourself.

Colleen: Some dumb hockey player told you about love.
Brett: Colleen, Howie Morenz is...one of the all-time greats, that's for sure.
Colleen: Interesting.
Brett: Plus he's dead.
Colleen: I see.  And he was...dead...when he...spoke?
Brett: Uh, yeah, yeah, he was.
Colleen: Good.  I'm just gonna go now.  Nice and quiet.

Colleen: Duff!  You're all right!
Duff: Fit as a fiddle and ready for love.
[Colleen hugs him]
Duff: Now, don't take that the wrong way just 'cause I've got the pj's on under the greatcoat.

"I wouldn't count him out.  He had hair like a dead man, but he has loads of energy."  --Duff, re: Brett

Colleen: You still have your pajamas on!
Duff: Big talk for a girl with her stockings in her pocket.

Michelle: All that sex must've wiped your memory.
Brett: What sex?
Michelle: With Colleen.
Brett: Oh, please.  That's the most outrageous thing I've ever heard.
Michelle: You didn't come home, you're wearing the same suit--you've got your tie in your pocket--and you've got the vacant stare of a guy who just had sex all night.  I'm assuming it was with Colleen, unless...it was with someone you're not in love with?

"What would I send if I'm in love with someone but I don't actually like them very much?"  --Brett, deciding on roses for Colleen

"Canada is all right in a be-polite, have-a-donut, spell-colour-with-a-'u' kind of way..."  --Brett

"I need to be in a country where talent gets you more than murderous tax rates."  --Brett

"I'm trapped, Rose.  I am trapped in this giant, empty, pointless country."  --Brett

"Something wrong with the way I dress now, Ms Feelings-In-A-Freezer?" --Brett to Colleen

Brett: So!  Ms...Veins-Of-Ice-Water.  What's it gonna be?
Colleen: Well, Mr Refugee-From-A-12-Step-Programme...

"I let you down?  What about you?  Where were you when I needed you?  Mr Sleepy was in a coma!"  --Brett to Duff

Gov't Lackey: I'll thank you not to patronize me, Mr McArdle; I am an employee of your federal government, I am not an idiot.
Colleen: Interesting distinction.

Brett: You broke into my house?
Renata: Looks like it.
Brett: How'd you do that?
Renata: Hey, I did go to Catholic school.

"Mr Parker, you are not built to be crazy and homeless, and that is where you are heading." --Renata

"There is your desk, there is your phone, there is your stupid water bottle, and you'd better come up with something good because I did not come back here to work for a guy with a mocha-java jones and a Tommy Hunter obsession, do I make myself clear?!?!?" --Renata

"Who can get you out of a Brett Parker contract better than Brett Parker?  Come on, I know me like the back of my hand." --Brett to Shaky Al

Duff: Have you met the government man yet?
Colleen: Yeah.  She's a woman.
Duff: Of a sort.                --re: SM3 Regan Sexsmith

Mark: Wisdom from the New Age girlfriend.
Todd: Yeah... You know, she's an ancient soul.  She's got a young body--a really good, young body--but she's an ancient soul.

Mark: Everything's going to hell.
Todd: Oh, speaking of Satan, Parker's looking for you.

"Rose, four new push-up bras are not a change.  They're a man."  --Renata to Rose after a major shopping spree

Harry: My knee's a-quiver.
Brett: Well, it's holding up that head of yours.  What does that thing weigh now, forty-five, fifty pounds?

Colleen: I don't know if you comprehend how things work around here. Duff McArdle didn't go to business school; he doesn't follow Robert's Rules.  He communicates one-on-one; he either shouts over the roar of the smelters or he tries to sneak in a word between Euchre hands at lunch.  That's the kind of man he is and that's how things run around here.
Sexsmith: Yes.  Well, that must change, if for no other reason than Euchre, Bridge, Whist and Hasenpfeffer are not to be played during work hours.

"My girlfriend...says I waste too much of my spiritual energy searching for a matriarch. I guess it's true, sometimes...I mean, once I had to help look for my grandma when she walked away from the Eventide Home..." --Todd

Colleen: What are you doing, Duffer?
Duff: Playing Euchre. A memo came down the pipe from SM3 saying as how it wasn't allowed, so I wasted no time in putting together a foursome.

Duff: When you think about what happened to my good friend Bailey Merkin...
Colleen: What happened to him?
Duff: Nothing of significance or interest throughout his entire life!  Now what are the odds of that?

"Shouldn't you be at the steel mill cooling down the slag or something?" --Brett to Colleen

"It is not your money.  It is government money; it does not truly exist."  --Sexsmith to Harry

Harry: Where are you going?
Brett: Hm?  Oh, I just thought you might blow, I didn't want to get any on my suit.
Harry: You've been sadly misinformed, Mr Parker.
Brett: Aw, you're not gonna blow?

Renata: She is shy and moralistic, and you--should I just skip the details?
Brett: I'd be happy with that.

Renata: Do you want to know what else love is?
Rose: Yes, if it gets me to the bathroom, yes.

"Brett Victor Parker?...You're under arrest, Mr Parker, pending extradition to the United States.  Put down your purse, please, sir." --Police Guy, come to take Brett to jail

Rose: Who do they think he is, Creepy Carpus?
Renata: Who was Creepy Carpus?
Rose: Oh, just some famous Canadian gangster.
Renata: Now there is a phrase you don't hear every day.

Mark: You're supposed to be my agent!
Brett: That's right. That's what I am, that is exactly what I am, I'm your agent.  I'm not your dad, I'm not your friend, I am your agent.  I don't get you into Heaven, I just get you all the money.
Mark: So you're totally empty.
Brett: Completely hollow, yes I am.  And that is why I'm great, Mark.  That is why I'm great!  I am completely hollow, and that's why I'm great!

Brett: Don't tell me--you went to hell for being hollow, right?
Ghost of Eddie Shore: Oh no.  No. No one starts out being hollow, son.  But you'll go to hell for making yourself that way.

Rose: Did you call him a name?
Todd: Hey, look, hockey players call each other names all the time!
Rose: Did you use a racial term?
Todd: I don't know, I mean no, I mean--I just wish I'd called him a [bleep] [bleep]-ing mother [bleep] [bleep] greasy-haired hippy from the wrong side of the tracks mother [bleep] like I usually do, and then nobody'd be upset!

"If we don't get money soon, IKEA is gonna send some Swedish goon over here with an Allen key to take apart the furniture." --Brett

Brett: What am I supposed to say to her, then?  'Hey honey, he's no good for you, he's just like me'?
Renata: It has the ring of truth.         --re: Michelle and Hudson

Brett: Are you really married to my daughter?
Hudson: Yes.
Brett: Oh, God.  Well, eat less meat then, or get more insurance.  My God, that steak's as big as your head.

Brett: You have a very dark and cynical streak, you know.
Renata: I was young and hopeful when I came to work for you.

"Well, I'll, uh--I gotta go to Copps. I'll give you a call from there and we can compare notes; find out if any of that really happened." --Brett to Renata after being flabbergasted by Battleship Russell

Todd: I usually watched hockey or He-Man or Julia Child.
Mark: Julia Child.
Todd: I like food.

Brett: If you worked at the Derby, at least they'd be able to pay you--[sigh]--which is more than I can do.
Renata: Okay, you know what?  Don't try for inadequacy.  It's not in your range.

Brett: What is wrong with you, it's like we're breaking up or something.
Renata: That is exactly right.
Brett: Newsflash, we are not a couple!
Renata: Think again!
Brett: Okay, we are a couple, but apparently I've been sleeping through the sex.

Renata: I hurt my hand.
Brett: How'd you hurt your hand?
Battleship: On Rockman's jaw!

Todd: You think?
Hudson: No, Todd, I don't think, I never think.  Eats up my reaction time.

George Carney: So Harry Strand is just crazy, is that it?
Brett: Like a rat in a coffee can!

Brett: There are plenty of things to live for.
George: Name one.
Brett: Name one, fine, okay, you got, uh... [pause] Yeah, darn it, eh?

George: Don't look down. Here, look at me.
Brett: No, I can't do that.
George: Look me in the eye.
Brett: No, I've got issues with that.

"He tells me about being empty. Warns me about being empty. Tells me I'm going to hell, basically." --Brett, re: the Ghost of Eddie Shore

"You're here because you think hockey's going downhill?  Lots of sports are going downhill!  Take skiing.  For example." --Duff to George

"He says he can't dream anymore, something like that.  Try to get him to see how lucky that makes him." --Brett to Renata, re: George

Brett: Okay. All right, fine, I'll be like George, then. Hamilton wins, I love Colleen, Calgary wins, I love you.
Rose: You bastard.  You know Hamilton's gonna win.

"Now there's a good solid foundation for a marriage: proving Dad wrong!" --Renata to Michelle

"Uppercase!  It's uppercase!!!!" --Harry, going nuts

Brett: Gimme my crayon!
Renata: I realize this is sort of like telling a horse to be a cat, but Mr Parker--grow up!
Brett: Could I please have my writing utensil?

"Harry--my Deputy Minister of Love!" --Sexsmith

"I'm here to open negotiations with you.  If you want to gloat for a little while, I'll go wait in the hall." --Colleen to Brett

"It's Tic Tac Toe, coach.  I like to have games against myself, see who wins.  I'm about even..." --Todd

"Oh, it's never really good-bye.  Your dedicated governmental officials appear in every facet of life in this country, helping the people to better themselves through our wisdom and control, ensuring peace, order and good government.  We will always be with you." --Sexsmith's Farewell

"Did it ever occur to you guys that you might have to spell things out for the mortal guy?" --Brett to the Ghost of Jacques Plant

Brett: Renata! Do you know what the best thing about me is?
Renata: Never mind the best thing, I'm still trying to find a good thing.
Brett: Well.  Don't strain yourself.
Renata: No no no...excellent personal hygiene.  I like that about you.
Brett: I am a great lateral thinker.
Renata: Okay, but I'm sticking with the hygiene thing.

"The case law is obscure.  Those are my five favourite words in the English language, by the way: the case law is obscure." --Brett

"I spent two days in Chalk River. That's where I learned to eat skunk." --Duff

Brett: Miss Personal-Issues-Leak-Into-Her-Writing.
Rose: Mr Evil-Seducer-of-Innocent-People!  He does, he does seduce innocent people...

Brett: Hey, refresh my memory, okay, some guy marries your teenage daughter, you're allowed to chop his arms and legs off, that's legal, right?
Renata: Only in the Yukon.

Brett: Miss Wouldn't-Know-Fairness-if-it-Grabbed-Her-by-the-Butt.
Rose: Oh, and what would you know about fairness, Mr Treats-People-Like-Compost! What?? He does, sometimes, treat people like compost!

Colleen: Well, aren't I the perfect date.  We don't make out, but you get to watch hockey.
Mark: The perfect Canadian date.

"The tentative title of my little docudrama here is 'How the Team President Sapped the Captain's Strength Just Before the Big Game!'" --Brett, blackmailing Colleen with her relationship with Mark

"'Fifteen Years of Clean Living Blown in a Single Night of Dirty Love with the Bottle Blonde That Is His Boss!'  That'd be a good title, too." --Brett, still blackmailing Colleen

"Colleen, if I really thought about myself, I would walk into the lake until I drowned." --Brett

"Talking to Parker about belief is like talking to a blind man about a rainbow." --Duff

Duff: Alphonse.  That was my father's name.
Shaky: Al?
Duff: No.  Fonse.

"Looking out over that football field, snow coming down like promises from the NDP..." --Duff

Colleen: I am five foot six. All my life I wanted to be 5'10", but I'm not, and there's nothing to be done about that. Now you're standing here, telling me that you wish you were, what--simple? Easy? Honest?
Brett: Yeah, all that, I guess.
Colleen: Well, you're not, and you never will be.

Brett: Hey, you dance with the lady who brung ya.
Rose: Even if you're at the ballet and the lady can only clog?

Brett: Hang on, I'm on the Internet here.
Renata: What for?  You're psychotically impatient, and you have no interest in pornography.

Brett: Are you really in bed?
Colleen: Forget I said that.
Brett: What are you wearing?
Colleen: I will see you at the office.
Brett: I am seeing you right now.

Mark: We're looking for a guy you're helping.
Dr Tocket: I help no one. Help comes from within.
Todd: His name is Harry Strand.
Dr Tocket: Him I'm helping.

Colleen: I can't let you have your way.
Brett: You did once. For an entire night, if I recall.

Harry: I have learned that as badly as I abused you, my abuse of myself was far worse.
Todd: Can you really go blind from doing that a lot?

Brett: Do you actually think I'm gonna let you get away with this, Ms Poison-in-a-Power-Suit?
Colleen: Oh, I already have, Mr Crooked-as-a-Rug-in-a-Windtunnel.
Duff: All right you two, cut the sweet talk.

"The whole thing fell through after that unfortunate incident with Sharon, Lois and Brahm at Millhaven." --Duff

Brett: I've got it, you'll kill me.  How are you gonna do that, anyway?
Colleen: We're in the States, they hand out guns in breakfast cereal.

"We're happy!" --just on principle. :)

"She's printed this vicious rumour that is bound to infect the minds of the gayers--the players." --Brett, being Freudian

Brett: Say something to me that sounds remotely like a woman talking to her lover.
Colleen: Okay. [sultry voice] I know who the mole is.
Brett: No, that's not gonna cut it--'I know where the mole is', that's got potential...

Brett: What is your thinking here, exactly?
Colleen: My thinking on this exactly proceeds thus: Oh my God, what are we doing, if anyone finds out I'll die.

Brett: You're kinda like my conscience or something...
Renata: Mr Parker. I'm nothing like your conscience. For one thing, I exist.

"I also hope you realize that sexuality is not a black and white issue.  It is in fact a continuum. In fact it's very much like a rainbow, containing all colours and all hues. And each and every one of us must find his or her own place on the rainbow, and it is not up to any of us to decide if someone else's place on the rainbow is good or bad. This is my place. [points to air] It's a fun place." --Harry

"One in every ten guys is gay.  We got...twenty-something guys.  So you do the math. [pause] No, I mean, you do the math, I'm not good with numbers." --Todd

Renata: Rose was upset about men... She just kept on saying, 'All the good ones are gay, all the good ones are gay.'
Brett: I'm not gay.
Renata: She said the good ones.

"I like you a lot, maybe more than you deserve. But you have got to learn that the sun does not come up in the morning just to keep your butt warm!" --Renata to Brett

"Okay girls! Let's let 'em know in New York that we are fabulous!" --Mark to the team

"We're gay as hell, Parker, and we're gonna kick some butt!" --Mark, again

"You were all over that puck this morning like a Liberal on a vote." --Duff to Mark

"Hud, this is exactly why I married you, because I find constant frustration very, very attractive." --Michelle

Brett: Why don't you just go ahead and print that Brett Parker is a miserable, unscrupulous son of a bitch, thank you very much, and then you can be done with it.
Rose: Because, Parker, we only print the news.

Renata: You wreck him, you wreck Michelle.
Brett: No no, I wreck him, and I save Michelle from a life with a guy who is just--
Renata: Like you?                    --re: Hudson

Brett: I could use a ghost about right now.
Duff: I don't know if 'use' is the right word, is it son? Not when you're talking about ghosts. Or people, for that matter.

Brett: I am nothing like him [Hudson].
Michelle: Yes you are.  And the two of you together make maybe one man.

Brett: This wasn't personal. It was just business.
Rose: You can't possibly believe that.
Brett: I can believe whatever I need to believe. It's this wonderful gift that I have.

Reporter 1: Will McLeod be ready for game seven?
Brett: You can bet your pension on it.
Rep 2: But the doctors have banned him from playing--
Brett: I didn't say you'd win, I said you could bet.
Rep 3: Why would you lie about this?
Brett: Why do you guys ask questions you already know the answers to?
Rep 3: Are the Steelheads finished?
Brett: Hey! What is the matter with you people? You just witnessed a miracle out there! I know you're sad that Toronto didn't win, and you're the Canadian media, so God knows nothing's ever good enough, the bottle of rye's always half empty, but the Steelheads just WON!

Duff: This doesn't change my perspective on things.
Samantha: Which is?
Duff: Oh, a hell of a lot of things at once. Filled with delight and utterly sad. A bit like watching Lucien Bouchard drive your brand new car over a cliff.

Renata: I don't want to be anywhere near Mr Parker.
Duff: If I had a nickel for every woman who's said that to me, I'd have two nickels.

"French cook, Italians paint, Canadians play hockey." --Brett

"I'm just standing here hoping like hell that somebody gets to understand someone today. 'Cause I don't understand anybody, nobody understands me, it's a lousy feeling." --Brett

Duff: No talking during the anthem.
Mr Hartman: Oh, I didn't recognize it.
Duff: You didn't recognise it?!?!?  If we lose, he dissolves us; if we win, he can't touch us. Would that be correct?
Colleen: That would be correct.
Duff: Good. Coco? Throw this man out of the box!!

"Big...big eye in the sky...big blue eye, watching over all of us...which is MORE THAN THE REFEREE HAS, YOU BLIND MORON!!!!!!!" --Harry, being "wily"

Duff: You've had enough of Parker?
Colleen: Yeah, I've had enough of Parker.
Duff: Well, sometimes I feel as though I've had enough of oxygen, but there's not much I can do about it.

Renata: You did a good thing.
Brett: You sound surprised.
Renata: Well, maybe I am.
Brett: Well, maybe you should be.

Brett: You here to judge me for going too hard, that kinda stuff?
Ghost of Brett's Dad (Vic): Why would I do that? I turned you into this.
Brett: Well then, no wonder you're in hell, huh?

"If you have what you love and you are where you want to be--don't move.  You stand still. That's paradise." --Ghost Vic

Ghost Vic: Time to wake up, Brett.
Brett: No. I don't want to wake up.
Ghost Vic: Sure you do. You have people to love, you have things to be. You can't do that if you're asleep.

"Come on. Wake up. Be still." --Ghost Vic

Go back to Miscellaneous.