THE HAZE  by Jayne Leitch
   C. 2000

     She was drunk.

     She knew she shouldn't be; as she stumbled into the hotel room, Emily dredged up a fuzzy memory of how badly things had spun out of control the last time she'd turned to the mood-altering substances to feel better.  Something about flying off the roof...?

     She heard the door close behind her and whirled around unevenly to see...Ted.  The boy she'd run into--literally--at the rave, the boy who'd paid for the room they now stood in, the boy who was going to help her feel better.  Yes; Juan got to kiss Alison Barrington, why couldn't she have some fun of her own?  With Ted.  It was right.  It evened the score.

     And she couldn't possibly have ended up with a better looking score-evening boy, could she?  The alcoholic haze lightened slightly as she looked at him, and she couldn't help noticing his warm eyes, his easy movements...the way his shirt hugged a set of truly *nice* shoulders...

     She was feeling better already.  She was in a comfortable room with a very cute guy, with the warm haze from her drinks deadening the anger and hurt she remembered feeling when she saw Juan kissing Alison.  If only she'd worn more comfortable shoes, she'd be feeling pretty much perfect right now.

     Maybe AJ had the right idea, after all.  She'd forgotten how nice it felt to let your troubles dissolve for a while in a bit of chemically-induced happiness; it was like not having to feel the bad stuff, and being able to treasure not feeling it, because you knew
you'd have to feel it later.  It all made more sense here, in this room, with Ted...

     She told him so, and he seemed to agree.  At least, he didn't disagree, and that was almost as good.  But there was a look in his eyes--

     Right.  The bed.  It was behind them, but Ted piloted her towards it in a surprisingly gentlemanly fashion, with his hand placed decorously on her arm.  And then when she had a bit of trouble settling herself on top of the comforter, Ted steadied her.  He was nice that way...

     "Why are you being so nice to me?"

     She didn't mean to say it out loud, but that was one of the problems with drinking--nice though the haze may be, it kept you from thinking about how stupid things would sound once they left your mouth.  Ted was still looking at her, and she giggled.  "No, I didn't mean to ask that," she continued, her words slurring a little, "I get that you're being nice to me because we're going to--"

     "It's Emily, right?"  He cut her off, but his voice was soft, his eyes softer.  "Do you want some water, or something?"

     Emily furrowed her brow.  "Water?  No.  I had stuff to drink at the party."

     Ted's lips curved into a tiny smile.  They were nice lips.  "I know that.  I was wondering if you wanted to rest a little, try to flush some of that out."

     "Why would I want to do that?"  Emily frowned.  "I feel all warm and good now.  And I want to keep feeling warm, and good, and..."  she trailed off, her eyes still fixed on Ted's very nice lips.  "I want to feel better..."  The urge struck her to kiss him, and she leaned forward, her eyes fluttering closed--

     But Ted caught her arms, and held her back.  "Emily, hang on--"

     "What?"  Emily's eyes flew open, and she found herself staring into Ted's eyes.  Eyes that were warm, and soft, and...pitying.  It was like a splash of cold water.  "Why not?"

     "I saw you at the party," Ted began quietly, loosening his grip on her arms a little, "And I saw some guy put something in your drink.  You're not thinking straight."

     Emily blew out an impatient sigh.  "Of course not!" she agreed vehemently.  "I know people put stuff in my drink; I wanted it there."  Remembering her reason for being in the hotel room--with Ted--she reigned herself in, and smiled seductively.  "Makes things more fun."

     "You sure?"  He was smiling back.  "Because right now, it's just making you giddy."

     "Well, we haven't gotten started yet."  Emily pulled back from him, her smile widening.  "I thought you brought me here for a reason..."

     "I thought you came with me for a reason."  Ted arched an eyebrow.  "That guy?  The one who was making out with the blonde--Juan?  I thought you were looking to get back at him."

     Emily stuck her hands on her hips, pantomiming insult.  "I'm offended.  You think this is all about *Juan*?!  He doesn't matter!  I am here," just as suddenly she was leaning forward into Ted's space again, "Because I want to be.  How about you?"

     "Oh, I want to be here, too."  He sounded like he meant it--but there was something in his eyes...  "Believe me, I want to be here."

     "Good."  Reaching up to his face, Emily trailed a lazy finger down his cheek and smoothed her thumb over his mouth.  "Then...what are you waiting for?"

     Ted's breath was hot against her thumb, but he was stock still on the bed, not moving, not encouraging, not denying.  His eyes never wavered from hers, and for an agonizingly long moment Emily thought he was going to turn her down--but then, ever so lightly, his lips parted, and his tongue caressed her hand.

     The quick, gentle touch sent a quiver through Emily's gut, and she closed her eyes.  The eroticism of the sensation surprised her; Juan had done much more than that, and she couldn't really remember ever feeling that deep-down quiver...

     Before she could open her eyes again, Ted closed the space between them, covering her mouth with his own and bearing her down gently onto the bed.  Emily gasped as his weight pressed against her, parting her lips and feeling Ted's tongue slide against her own, the delicate manipulation sending another tremble through her insides.  Before she knew what she was doing she responded in kind, the kiss escalating in force and feeling
as the give-and-take intensified between them.  After a long moment they broke, and Emily arched her neck as Ted trailed his mouth along her skin.

     In the back of her mind, Emily detached herself from the haze and watched Ted's progression as he moved against her.  They were going to do this; like the alcohol, it was going to make her feel better, and she wasn't going to hurt like she had before.  Ted wanted her, and she wasn't going to run away from him.  She wasn't going to give in to the fear she'd felt with Juan--

     Juan.

     She froze, a pit of ice opening in her stomach.  Her whole body stiffened; Ted, whose hands had been stroking languidly down the length of her, paused and gazed down into her eyes.  "...Emily?"

     Her breath was coming in short, sharp gasps.  Her eyes were wild; despite the coldness spreading through her veins, the shock at what she was going to do--was still going to do--she forced her arm to snake around Ted's neck and pull him to her.  If she could kiss him again, if she could make him keep going--if she could make him not stop until he was done--

     He resisted her, pulling back against the force of her arm until he could look into her eyes again.  "Are you okay?"

     She nodded frantically, bringing her other arm up to double her efforts to bring him back.  Trying to keep the frightened tears she felt gathering at the corner of her eyes from spilling over.  He had to keep going...

     Ted wasn't moving.  He was panting, his hair was mussed, his cheeks flushed, his eyes bright--but he refused to continue what he'd started.  "Emily," he whispered, each word pounding through her head like thunder, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

     She wanted to say yes.  She wanted to say it, to say whatever he needed to hear that would make him take her...she squeezed her eyes shut, and felt a tear slide over her cheek.  He could make her feel better, he *wanted* to make her feel better.  Just say yes; all she had to do was say yes.  She opened her mouth...

     "No."

End.

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