Truly Picky British-to-American and American-to-British Giveaways: How to
Sound Like You Went to Oxford (or UCLA) Even If You Didn't
So, you know that you look under the hood of a Chevy and the bonnet of an
Aston-Martin, you wouldn't make Giles drink coffee (not even Gold Blend),
you're aware that America has four time zones and that you use the Tube in
London, not the subway. You know that in England, public schools are
private, that in the U.S. public are public and private are private, and
British football is a lot nastier than the American version. Very good. Pip
pip. Whatever.
If you're writing fanfic in a vernacular not your own, you should still
get a native-speaker beta-reader to go over your fic. I don't care if you
cut your teeth on Agatha Christie while living in Texas, or if you've read
every American novel from Raymond Chandler to Jacqueline Susann while
growing up in Wales. Even having every episode of Buffy, The Prisoner, JAG
or The Professionals memorized is still going to leave gaps in your
dialect, if it's not the same as the one you inhaled with your baby food.
Think I'm wrong? Here are a few dead giveaways that have been committed by
writers on both sides of the Atlantic (and a few from Australia as well):
Vacation/Holiday: In England, Australia, and Canada, you go on holiday
when you have time off from your job. In the U.S., you go on vacation. For
Americans, a holiday is something that you get special time off for (if
you're lucky) like the Fourth of July or Christmas. For the Brits, a
vacation probably has something to do with legal matters and leaving an
abandoned building. Don't make your readers expect the fic to take place
around Christmas or in a right-of-way if that isn't the case.
Jumper/Sweater: No, a sweater is not some smelly guy who just got done with
a five-mile jog. In the U.S., it's an article of clothing, a knit or woven
heavy shirt that keeps you warm---- or what's often known as a jumper in
England or Canada. Strangely, in America a jumper is an entirely different
article of clothing--- the type of overall-dress most often worn by little
girls or female private school students. While it's reasonable for Methos
or MacLeod to refer to their articles of clothing as "jumpers", since
they're both Brits by accent and attitude, please be aware that the
Americans in your audience are going to be getting some strange mental
pictures. Unless that's what you planned, of course.
Mom/Mum: Everyone should know this one at this by now. Brits and Canadians
favor Mum over Mom, and Americans the reverse. Neither is more babyish than
the other. (So stop sulking and take the thumb out of your mouth.)
tin/bag/box of biscuits/cookies: Another one every writer should know.
Biscuits are cookies in America, and if you want to put gravy on your
biscuits in England, you're going to get some weird looks from the waitress.
In the U.S., biscuits are fluffy scone-like things that are pretty tasteless
unless you soak them in butter, honey, or gravy. Cookies in the U.S. most
often come in bags or boxes, not tins; and when they do come in tins, the
tins are called cans or tin boxes. Biscuits in England come in tins fairly
often, unless they're Oreos. Oreos are always Oreos.
while/whilst: This is another screaming-neon sign to the Americans which a
Brit may never pick up on. No one in the U.S. says "whilst". It's just
barely a word here. "While" is the equivalent, and it's multi-useful: you
can while away the time, do something while someone does something else, and
meanwhile, I can just blither on and on. You get the idea.
whine/whinge: Don't feel bad about this one, professional writers (on
Farscape) have made the same mistake. "Whinge" is not a word in the U.S.,
and for the Americans who went "hunh?" during the episode where Crichton
used it, it's the same thing as "whine." It is *not* obscene. Brits whinge
as well as Americans whine, and vice versa.
pissed/pissed off: English people who've had five too many pints get
pissed, and they can still be in a good mood and not in search of a
bathroom. Americans who get pissed (or pissed off) are five seconds from
punching you in the face, and they haven't had a drop of beer. Brits, please
remember that telling an American to piss off is the easiest way to get
them pissed off; and Americans, remember that having a Brit tell you to go
away in his native tongue isn't always supposed to be obscene. Many fights
will be avoided if you remember these differences.
in/at (the) hospital: One of the subtler giveaways. Brits and Canadians say
someone is "in hospital" like it's a state of being (which, let's face it,
it often is), Americans say "at the hospital" or "in the hospital" like they
expect to escape real soon. It's a small but distinct difference, and with
as many characters getting hurt all over the fic landscape as there are,
it's one to keep in mind.
lift / elevator: In the U.S., a lift is what you put in your shoes if you're
trying to fake some extra height. In England, I'm not sure that elevator is
a word at all. Either way, they don't install lifts in New York or elevators
in London. If you can't keep it straight? Make your characters take the
stairs. More opportunities for them to fall down and end up in (the) hospital
that way, anyway.
at/in university/college: Both sides of the pond will refer to their days as
prisoners of higher education the same way if they're being specific: "When
I was at Oxford/UCLA, I was in the fraternity there...." However, when
they're being less specific, differences creep in. Brits and Aussies say "at
university", Americans say "at college" or "in college." This probably has
something to do with the fact that Great Britain has about 100 accredited
universities, and the U.S. has 1,440 colleges and universities that can
award higher degrees. (And that's not counting the 2000+
junior/community/technical colleges that can award two-year degrees.) Brits
have 'senior tutors' who serve the same function as 'residential advisors'
or 'course counselors' in the U.S. - making sure you get all your credits in
order, don't flunk out, or get addicted to drugs while you're there. Being
'sent down' from a British school is the same as 'flunking out' or being
expelled in America, and usually for the same reasons.
The Brits associate the colleges with the specific departments of the
university they went to; Americans have to differentiate between
umpty-zillion University of Muckaluck and St. Whoever Colleges that they've
never even been to, but which play football every weekend on TV. Therefore,
Giles could have gone to Oxford University, Magdalen College--- and they
were actually the same place; whereas Daniel Jackson went to Northwestern
University, and got degrees from the Department of Arts and Social
Sciences --- which may have been known as the College of Arts and Social
Sciences on campus, if you were giving directions.
Clear as mud? Then do your research. They'll both thank you.
Is all this really necessary, you ask? Maybe not. Many a fine fic has been
written and read without the above mistakes ruining it for the audience.
However, it is an argument for tracking down someone from London or New
York to do your beta-reading the first couple times you write in a new
non-native-version-of-your-English, just so the much more obvious mistakes
aren't made. The ones I've pointed out above are the persistent little ones
that no amount of spell-checking in British English (or vice versa) will
eradicate, but there are much more egregious errors waiting to be made. If
any of the information I spewed out in the first paragraph is news to you,
then you need to get a beta-reader who knows the lay of the land--- and
whether it's in kilometres or miles.
Chris Kamnikar got her first Agatha Christie mystery
at 12, her first
Dorothy Sayers novel at 14, and reads Jane Austen and
E.M. Forster for fun
even though she grew up all over the U.S. of A. She
admits she's never been
to England or Australia, but she's taken pictures of
Niagara Falls from the
north side. Her addiction to MYSTERY! and BBCAmerica is
reportedly under
control with medication. Despite all this Brit
fascination, she writes fic
for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate SG-1 and
Smallville under the name
Christina
K on fanfiction.net, with nary a Dr. Who story in
sight. You can check
out her personal home page at http://chaos.horsechicks.com/
or write to her at
kikimariposa@prodigy.net
- and she promises that if you do, she won't tell
you how to spell "colour" correctly.